I used to take this question seriously until I realised it’s mostly small talk—even outside of small talk. You’re not really supposed to answer it.

Here’s another little secret: I started avoiding it with a simple “And you?”. You have no idea how easily I get away with it. Even just saying “getting away with it” feels a bit dramatic, people don’t even notice.

My friend A. sees through my BS, has no patience for it and insists. My niece knows I’m doing it and respects it. Maybe sometimes she doesn’t know how to handle it, and sometimes there’s a bit of fear. After all, beyond being her ally, I’m still family, and that’s not always easy to trust.

They’re the only ones who notice. I could say that people just don’t care—but I get it. I do.

We’re busy, overstimulated, chaotic, traumatised. We’re overprotective and careless at the same time. We go into relationships easily, with our walls up, lacking basic connection skills. 

We then label ourselves, turn ourselves into projects, everything into hard work, and every interaction into a job. But self-improvement’s always good, right? Being selfish and even a little ignorant isn’t inherently bad, either. That’s something I could learn to be—just a tiny bit.

But this journey of constant self-development? It all seems mechanical, somehow. I’m half-robot, or at least that’s how I’ve always felt through my autism. So trust me—I know rigid and mechanical when I see it.

We’ve got access to all this new information, and that’s magnificent! But it’s like we’ve been given a new set of features we need to adapt to—like a program would. And let’s be honest—not every app is worth installing, and not every feature is worth testing. And don’t forget about the cache.  There’s only so much memory our system has to work with.

We’re not programmed robots. I had my doubts, but I’m not one, either. And in this flood of knowledge, we may forget to behave like humans. The most basic, valuable thing we have as humans is communication.

So talk! Don’t assume, don’t be afraid, don’t expect—just say what you need, like, or want. A conversation is not a confrontation; it’s whatever you need it to be. It’s in your tone, your words, the timing, the energy you bring. 

Communication is healthy, it’s vital.

Asking questions doesn’t make you stupid! Asking questions leads you to find balance in communication. We are not the same! Our backgrounds are different, our brains work differently, our personalities are different. Telling people things is the only way for relationships to work.

Just fucking speak!

Ask questions and listen to the answers. Do it for the right reasons, when you’re calm, and because you want to understand. Do it when you have time to focus and aren’t clouded by emotions. Do it because you truly want that peace you always seem to talk about. 

Also, and I know I sound like an asshole, could you please move on? Generally speaking. Could you just not be this sad person who constantly fixates on the negative or expects the worst? It’s not attractive, it’s draining, and it physically harms you (thanks to cortisol).

Please don’t be a victim. I may be lacking patience due to a mass lack of empathy I’m currently observing, but I’m not cruel. It really is this simple: ask yourself questions, learn from your past, recognise the signs, adjust your settings, take control. 

Your fate is not written; it’s called “future,” and it’s in your hands.

"People are strange: they are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a major matter like totally wasting their lives, they hardly seem to notice." - C. Bukowski